There's nothing like a health problem (or even just a scare) to make you seriously think about (and regret) all the things you might have done (or didn't do that you should have) to have caused you to be in the situation you now face.
You think about the bad foods and drinks you've consumed. You curse yourself for having ever tried a cigarette. You remember all the times you decided to not workout when you could have.
You think about you're odds of being ok. When I was in college, there was a PSA running that said one out of eight women would get breast cancer. At the time, I lived with seven other girls. That meant one of us would get it.
Last month I had a mammography. A few days later I received a call that I needed to come back for additional scans. I was told this wasn't necessarily bad news and I shouldn't panic. I took the woman at her word because I know this isn't uncommon.
Today I went in for the additional scans. When I got into the room with the technician, she had images up from my last two mammograms. She pointed at dots and shaded areas that she said were different on my two previous scans. I started to feel nervous.
I had the additional scans and then went into a waiting room with six other woman. I thought about that PSA and wondered if my odds had gotten better or worse. Odds were that one of us was going to get bad news. I thought about my mother, and other women I knew who had breast cancer.
I got called in for a third round of scans. When I returned to the waiting room after that, there were only two other women left. My odds were getting worse.
It had actually been two years since my last mammogram. I didn't get one last year. Why? Why didn't I make the time? Was I working? Shopping? Looking at Facebook? Walking my dog? What was so important that I couldn't make the time to make sure I am healthy? Was it that I workout and eat well and think I'm invincible? Was it inconvenient? Did I not think it was important?
As panic sets in, you start to make deals with God / the universe / yourself. You promise if you're ok you'll give up soda / booze / cigarettes / partying / staying up late; you'll exercise; you'll change your diet; you'll do the things we know we're supposed to do but don't.
Next, I got called in for an ultrasound. A nice technician took me into the room and complimented me on my shoes. She took quite a while to do the procedure. When she was done, she started talking about my shoes again and I knew I was in trouble. She said the doctor would be in soon.
The doctor and technician returned together and said the doctor was going to redo the ultrasound. Me and my shoes needed to stay a while longer. No surprise.
Afterwards I sat waiting to meet with the doctor to discuss what they saw. I started to think about how my life would change if I had breast cancer. Would I act differently? Would I change my habits?The things I'm pursuing? The things I'm not pursuing? Who I'm spending time with?
These are such important questions—questions that we should ask ourselves NOW. If you knew you had limited time left, what would you do? What would you stop doing? What would you wish you had done? How would you change? Who would you spend time with? The answer to those questions should help bring clarity about what's important to you and what you should focus on.
As for me, I'll be going through an ultrasound again in six months to look at some "suspicious lumps". But, I'll be thinking about those questions this weekend and working on making any changes necessary to lead me to a life that will end with minimal regrets—I hope you'll do the same.
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